One morning, her landlord sent a reminder that rent was due tomorrow, and Luna did what any rational adult would do—she panicked while eating cold pizza in a robe.

“Where did all my money go?” she groaned, scrolling through her bank app like it was a horror movie.

Luna realized she needed to learn some simple financial formulas to manage her expenses better.

That’s when her best friend Jay called.

“Dude, have you not made a budget yet?”

“I have a budget,” Luna replied defensively. “It’s just… somewhere. Maybe in my notes app. Or my dreams.”

Jay sighed. “Okay. Time to use your computer for more than Netflix and aesthetic desktop wallpapers. Ever heard of simple financial formulas?”

Luna blinked. “Like, spells? Because I could use a money magic wand right now.”

Jay practically dragged her onto Google Sheets over video chat. “Let me show you the magic of SUM and AVERAGE.”

=SUM(Broke) + (Anxiety)

Jay walked her through making a basic table of her expenses for the past month: rent, groceries, streaming subscriptions she forgot she had, and an embarrassing number of bubble tea receipts.

“Okay,” Jay said. “Now highlight these expense cells and type =SUM. Hit enter.”

Luna did.

Boom—her total expenses appeared like a ghost of financial regrets.

“That’s it?!” she asked. “That formula just… added everything up?”

“That’s the point,” Jay smirked. “Simple financial formulas. They look boring, but they’re kind of financial x-ray vision.”

Luna stared at the number. “Why did no one teach me this in school?! We spent three weeks on mitochondria but not one day on THIS?!”

Jay laughed. “Okay, now let’s get real. Do you want to know how much you typically spend on Postmates per week?”

She grimaced. “Do I?”

“Use =AVERAGE. Highlight your weekly Postmates rows, and boom—you’ve got the average.”

Luna did, and the number appeared.

“That’s… That’s a round-trip flight to Miami. Every month. On dumplings and tacos.”

From Chaos to Clarity

That night, Luna got weirdly into spreadsheets. She color-coded her spending categories (pink for food, green for bills, orange for “oops”), used SUM for each category, and AVERAGE to track her grocery overspending trend. By the end, she had a neat little dashboard that would make any spreadsheet nerd shed a tear of joy.

She also discovered that she was spending $48 a month on five different streaming services but mostly just rewatched The Office.

The next day, she canceled three of them and made her lunch instead of ordering out. She even started a tab for savings—just a baby step, but a big deal for someone who used to think “emergency fund” meant calling Mom.

Final Formula: =Luna + Confidence

Two weeks later, Luna texted Jay a screenshot of her updated budget.

“Dude. I used SUM to track my bills and AVERAGE to see how much I save when I don’t order takeout. I feel like a spreadsheet wizard.”

Jay replied, “Next step: VLOOKUP.”

“Let’s not get crazy,” Luna wrote back.

But deep down, Luna had changed. Not in a “sold her soul to Excel” way, but in a I-know-where-my-money-goes way.

Moral of the story?
Simple financial formulas might not be sexy, but they will absolutely help you afford more pizza—and peace of mind.